I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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