do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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