your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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