He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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