i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
