I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
