I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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