I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
