youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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