I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just high enough for therapy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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