i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
