Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
