he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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