Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
