He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
