Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is the high leading the old right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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