Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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