Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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