And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
