Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
