We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My pussy is not your playground.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
