I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
