Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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