If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize