Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
