Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
