Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize