Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
