Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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