She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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