is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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