I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
