If i come over, it means nothing
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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