Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
