Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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