I should be sponsored by Trojan
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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