Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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