were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
