Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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