Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
