I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
