you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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