My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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