my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize