I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He felt like a one man threesome
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
