i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
