Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize