I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize