i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He has the fingertips of a God
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