I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
