She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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