I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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