I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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