Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
