Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
