Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
