She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
