Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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