Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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