he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
