SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just had sex on a roof
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
