i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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