why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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