found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
